I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
