At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
