I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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