just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
