This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
