I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
