Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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