There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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