I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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