That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
