Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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