oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
