I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
