anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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