Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
