I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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