her vagine was all disorganized.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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