alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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