i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
