The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
