I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
