Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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