So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
