Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
