I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
