For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
