You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
