Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
