no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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