accomplished twins. life is a go
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
