The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
