I hate your face
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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