i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
