You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
