oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize