She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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