I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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