her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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