Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
