omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
