He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
