imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
