How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
