I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize