nut hugger
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
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