I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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