Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
