Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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