he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
