And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
