Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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