they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
