I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
