is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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