Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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