Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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