I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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