It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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