ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're too hungover to prance.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
