So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
