JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize