Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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