I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
