The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
