hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize