My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
