i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
