VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
