Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ruined the universe
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize