wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
