do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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