we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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