I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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