Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize