I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
