my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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