come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
