So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
