i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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